• #ad Anyone else have kiddos obsessed with music? I am so impressed with how well Ben is playing his @babyeinstein Magic Touch Piano! The sheets of music are color-coded, so he matches the notes on the cards to the keys on the piano and it is so cute! I never played an instrument, but Jason played in the marching band through college and both of our kids love playing with instruments. I can’t wait to see if they decide to pursue an instrument as they get older! You can find this cute little piano at our favorite place, @target. #ignitecuriosity #babyeinstein #benjaminp
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  • I can’t believe I’m officially in my third trimester for the (99.9% sure 😬) last time. It’s such a bittersweet feeling... getting so close to meeting the final member of our family, but to know I’ll never get to experience the joy of seeing the tiny heartbeat in the first ultrasound or feeling the sweet kicks (and punches and dolphin flips). Ice cream, sno cones and the AC are my best friends right now. It’s also crazy to me that I still have another season to go before we welcome this sweet baby at the end of Sept or early October! #photobyblaire •
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  • #ad When your mom spends too much time in @target so you just jam out while you’re waiting. I usually make them put back whatever toy they’ve latched onto in the store, but this @babyeinstein Magic Touch Piano is so cute! It doesn’t have any keys or buttons – they actually press the wood and it makes noise. Ben keeps saying “Please open mama?!” so I can’t wait to get it home and let him jam out there, you know, with the sound on the lowest setting. 😂😂 #ignitecuriosity #babyeinstein
  • 30 Second Giveaway! I teamed up with some friends to gift ONE lucky follower a DockATot Deluxe, Fawn Design Diaper Bag, Nano Bebe Breastmilk Bottle 3 Pack, Swaddle Blanket, Wubbanub and pair of Freshly Picked Moccasins 
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  • My favorite traditions at 28 weeks: sno cones + this stretchy dress. #photobyblaire •
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  • Happy Prime Day!! I’m so excited to be shopping all the deals today, how about you?? #ad Lucky for us, my fave @kindsnacks are on sale! You can stock up just in time for the craziness of back to school. This Caramel Almond and Sea Salt bar is sweet and salty with just 5g of sugar! It’s keeping me going while I shop all day. 😉 #kindcollective #bekindtoyourself #primeday #amazonprimeday
  • Blaire cleaned her room and made her bed today. I think it’s so cute when she makes her bed and carefully arranges her animals! She usually cleans her room once a week, Sunday is the perfect day to start fresh. The majority of her toys are in there, she gets them all set up how she wants and I just feel bad making her put them away! Do your kids pick up their toys every night? #happilytristahome
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  • Well we don’t have a Nordstrom near us, but we do have an Aldi. Most of their summer items are on clearance and we scored this sweet pool for $7. Winner, winner. 🦄☀️ #blaireandben
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  • messy house, no makeup, and a kid who doesn’t want to wake up from his late car nap... meaning bedtime will be difficult. But what’s so different about that?! 🤪☹️ When your kids come out of your bed for the 1937 time tonight, just know you’re not alone. #happilytristahome
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  • If you need me I’ll be here taking a nap. JK. I’ll be in the car, curled up with my maternity pillow eating milk duds... hopefully taking a nap at some point. And I already changed into a comfy tee and some shorts that won’t button for the 6 hour drive. 🤣🤣🤣 How’s your Monday going?
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  • this. kid. He just melts me with how freaking adorable he is. Then he will go and say something like “Mama I want my binky NOWWWW” and then I remember he’s just as crazy as he is cute. 😍😝 #benjaminp
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June 8, 2018

what it’s like to be a mom with generalized anxiety disorder

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Trista Peterson June 2018Constant worrying.

Obsessing over a sad story on the news… so much so that it keeps you awake until 4am. 

Feeling too nervous to ask for help… thinking if someone else helps care for your baby or child, something bad will happen to them. 

Cosleeping because you’re too worried about your children’s safety to let them sleep in a different room. 

Avoiding busy public places because you’re scared something bad might happen. 

Feeling too overwhelmed and exhausted to function.

Feeling so stressed out and nervous that you find yourself yelling and losing your temper over the smallest of things.

My entire life I’ve dealt with anxiety. It’s gotten progressively worse as I’ve gotten older. The thing is, I never realized I had anxiety. Sure, I thought I was a worrier. But that’s where it stopped. I simply thought there were people who worried about things and the people in their lives and there are people who don’t. I was just one of the unlucky ones who worried. A lot.

I’ll never forget the first time I heard of “Generalized Anxiety Disorder” (GAD). I was reading an article about Kristen Bell’s battle with anxiety on ScaryMommy.com. It explained that Bell battles with GAD and it explained what GAD is. When I read their definition, something inside me clicked.

The article said, Generalized anxiety disorder is the persistent and unrealistic worry about everyday things. So even though there isn’t a reason to worry, the excessive feelings still show up.

I finally felt like I knew what was “wrong” with me. I have anxiety. Identifying the problem made me feel a bit better. But I was too nervous to seek treatment for my anxiety. I thought knowing what I was up against was the battle. I thought I’d be able to fight it on my own.

But as the months passed it would get worse and worse. I would lay awake for hours upon hours every night.

Terrified that every sound I heard was someone inside our house. At first I was so scared I would wake Jason… but then he would offer to get up and walk through the house. And to me, it was SO real to me that someone was in our home that I absolutely couldn’t let him leave our locked room.

Replaying every scary thing I heard on the news that day… every sad post I saw on Facebook.

I was exhausted. But then after a few months of rough days, it would get better. The constant worries in my brain would slow down. I would get more sleep. I was able to more easily let go of things that normally worried me.

After Ben was born, it got worse and worse. Still, I did nothing. I was worried medication would make me feel different. Make me feel “not myself.” I was worried I couldn’t nurse while on medication. I was too nervous to even say “yes” when the nurse asked me at my postpartum visit if I was experiencing any anxiety.

Months went by and my anxiety only continued to get worse. Then, one day, my friend Jen shared her battle with anxiety in a blog post. She shared that she had started medication and it had changed her life. I messaged her to thank her for sharing her story because it changed my view on seeking treatment and the thought of taking daily medication for anxiety. I just didn’t understand how medicine could make me “worry” less. I didn’t realize it could change my life. And hearing Jen say it had changed her life, I called my doctor that day and scheduled an appointment.

I started with counseling and an as-needed medication. In my first counseling appointment, she identified my issues and officially diagnosed me with GAD and called out the way I was using OCD to help myself cope with them. After a month of counseling, I began the daily medication. I still see a counselor and am learning techniques to cope with my anxiety and the obsessive compulsive tendencies I have developed.

The medicine hasn’t changed “me.” The simplest way I can explain the effect of my medication is that it allows me to differentiate between rational and irrational thoughts. Not only that, it helps me to talk myself down from the irrational fears, most of the time. The anxiety isn’t completely gone and it never will be. But I am able to sleep at night again. I no longer feel irritable, exhausted and frustrated (most of the time). I do still have bad days. Days when my worries take over my brain. Days when I feel down or on edge. But I remind myself to take it one day at a time. That’s all anyone can do.

While I have come so far in the past five months, I know I definitely have work to do. I still have some irrational fears I am not able to talk myself through.

Letting someone else drive my children somewhere for fear of them being in a car accident.

Ben sleeping in his own room.

Shootings in crowded buildings, such as the movie theatre, the mall and concerts.

If you are feeling this way, I want you to know you’re not alone. There is treatment out there to help you live your life. You don’t have to spend your life in a haze of worry and fear. You deserve to make your health and well-being a priority. You deserve to get help. You deserve to talk with someone who “gets” it and can help you treat it.

I am such an open book when it comes to anxiety and my struggle. I decided to get help because of a blog post I read. So I want to speak about my experiences and about this mental illness that is a part of me. Please, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me however you feel comfortable. Comments, DMs or emails. I am here for you and would love to answer any questions you may have or just to be a (digital) shoulder for you to cry on and ear to listen to you. 

You are not alone.

    leave a comment

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    • Well we don’t have a Nordstrom near us, but we do have an Aldi. Most of their summer items are on clearance and we scored this sweet pool for $7. Winner, winner. 🦄☀️ #blaireandben
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#summer #momentsiwanttoremember #aldifinds #motherhood
    • This summer hasn’t really felt like summer yet. 🤨 So when we have an 85° day we make the most out of it with a trip to the pool! How’d you spend your Sunday Funday? #blaireandben
    • another day, another doctors appointment for someone in our crew. today it’s Ben. he was up overnight saying his ear hurt — a double ear infection for him. luckily the kid loves taking medicine and hasn’t let his ears get him down! as long as he’s up moving around they’re fine, but the second he lays down... 😭😭😭. hoping our poor buddy is feeling better tomorrow. do you feel like you need a frequent flier card for your pediatrician? just me? okay. #blaireandben #itsfinewerefine
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    • When your brother is getting big but you still want to hold him... you gotta pinch his butt because he’s so wiggly. 😂😬😍 #blaireandben •
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    • It is definitely bittersweet to leave the house where we brought both of these babies home. But we are excited for our next chapter as a family of five! #rainbowbaby #blaireandben
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    • Last night was our first night in the new house. 👏🏻 We still have lots of stuff to bring from the old house and then lots of cleaning over there before the final walk through and closing next Monday. Then we can focus on getting this house unpacked and organized. But first, I would like a nap. 😴 #blaireandben #happilytristahome
    • Happy Halloween! 🎃 👻 #blaireandben
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    • Bsquared #BlaireandBen 😍😘☺️
    • This sums up our Sunday. After driving around like crazy people to go to three parties yesterday, today was lazy and included movies, popcorn, long naps, quick trick or treat at the mall and then spaghetti pizza. And I might be eating my kids candy on the couch right now. 😍 How was your weekend? #blaireandben
    • Childhood... drinking a frosty in your teepee. what. a. life. We had a slow weekend. Literally vegged out at home 95% of the time and it was marvelous.  #blaireandben
    • It’s that time of the year again... you were just packing away the summer clothes and then it’s all of a sudden 80°. What’s the weather like where you live? #blaireandben