April 26, 2016

Why I’m Done Pretending to Care About a Clean House

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laundry dayJust this last week I realized how many times I apologize to my friends. For having a messy house. For not having makeup on or my hair done in my off-time. For being dressed like a bum in comfy clothes. For… who even knows what else. I’m done apologizing. And I think you should stop, too. I think you should stop apologized for who you are and who you’re not.

I stepped back and asked myself, “At what point in my life did I start holding myself to such an unrealistic expectation?” Maybe you are that mama who loves to have a spotless house. Or who loves cooking three course meals from scratch every night. Since when did we feel like we had to start pretending to be something we’re not? Like… Our houses are always spotless. Our meals are always gourmet and perfect. Our hair, makeup and outfit are always flawless. Maybe you’re one of those girls. But maybe you’re not. I’m not! And that’s okay. It’s more than okay. It’s who you are and that’s amazing.

Holding yourself to this high expectation puts so much extra stress in your life. And do you need more stress? I didn’t think so. Would constantly picking up and cleaning to keep a spotless house really make you feel less stressed? Maybe. But if you’re only doing it because you think everyone else is too, then maybe not.

Is there something out there that you know will make you feel less stressed? Ending your night with a glass of wine, reading a magazine or watching a TV show that’s not on Disney Jr? (Sounds like Heaven to me!) And if it’ll destress you, then I think it’s more important than keeping all of your laundry fluffed, folded and put away.

My time at home is limited. I don’t typically get home from work/daycare pickup until 5PM most nights. And if we run any errands, we aren’t home until 6PM.  This means we have two hours to eat dinner, enjoy some playtime and then get my kiddo off to bed. Then I have another two hours before I tuck myself in to bed.

Sure. I could use this down time every  night to clean the kitchen, or pick up all of Blaire’s toys, or catch up on laundry. But I can also use it to spend time on the couch with my husband. And that’s typically how I choose to spend it. If I’m not blogging, we’re typically catching up on the DVR, eating the candy/junk food we keep hidden from our toddler.

If my house looks tidy, it’s because I moved the junk somewhere out of the camera’s eye I’m really trying. But if my house is tidy, it’s probably because Blaire took a good nap and I was so sick of the toys everywhere. Or I spend my night picking up, and now I don’t have my lunch packed for work tomorrow. I’d love to be someone who really cares about how tidy my house, but that’s not me. So when it does happen, it’s because I gave up something, somewhere.

If my friends are real friends, then they should know the real me. The me who would rather eat takeout than cook any a huge, fancy dinner. The me who piles up clean laundry in laundry baskets because I hate folding it and putting it away. The me who has toys all over her living room because a toddler lives here. The me who cares more about a house that smells good than a house that’s neat and tidy. That’s me.

So let’s stop the mom shaming because the guilt is real. We’re constantly comparing ourselves to other mamas. The ones who seem to have it all together, at all times. But can anyone ever really have it all together all the time? (Without hired help?)  It’s time we stop thriving for something we think might make us happy… and focus on the things that make us happy. And maybe cleaning makes you happy. But maybe spending your free time at the gym or on your couch — reading that magazine, makes you happy. Whatever your happy is, do it, because you deserve it.

Writing makes me happy. Sleeping makes me happy. Binge watching shows on the couch with my hubby makes me happy. Sharing my house with a toddler who is constantly “reading” books, playing with her babies and coloring makes me happy. Spending time playing with that little toddler instead of worrying about the messes she’s leaving behind makes me happy. I’m one happy mama & wife. I’m not sorry for spending my free time doing things that make me happy. I’m not sorry there are toys scattered everywhere in my living room. I’m not sorry I have clothes sitting in laundry baskets. 

What makes you happy? What are you not sorry for? xo

I'm Done Pretending to Care About a Clean House

  • Reply
    Carol Davis
    May 2, 2016 at 9:24 pm

    Well said Trista. Enjoy your family. Time goes by way to fast! Loved this blog.❤️

    • Reply
      Trista
      September 7, 2016 at 5:36 pm

      Thank you! :)

  • Reply
    Aleksandra
    May 9, 2016 at 9:33 am

    My mother would die if she saw the mess I am living in :)

  • Reply
    Rebecca
    May 11, 2016 at 10:17 am

    Very well said. This is a beautiful post. Thanks for the great reminders. :)

    • Reply
      Trista
      September 7, 2016 at 5:41 pm

      Thanks, Rebecca!

  • Reply
    Priscilla
    May 11, 2016 at 10:34 am

    Yes I can totally relate. For me I live a real mom life. I tell other moms I don’t always make dinner, I haven’t cleaned my bathroom in ages, and the list goes on. I’ve distanced myself from the mom groups and the moms in town that lead the crazy perfect mom life. It wasn’t fun going to playdates where there are choreographed stations that you rotate after 15 minutes of play, fancy pinterest worthy snacks, houses decorated like a magazine. None of it seems real, it all seemed so fake. I would get asked how did I get so much painting done and hiking with my daughter several times a week. When I told them I didn’t keep my house like their I basically do a 15 minute pick up and keep kitchen, dinning, living room in a less than perfect state they would say “Oh” in a not pleasant tone.

    • Reply
      Trista
      September 7, 2016 at 5:42 pm

      Oh no! I would probably distance myself too! It’s exhausting trying to pretend to be something you’re not.

  • Reply
    Shani | Sunshine & Munchkins
    September 2, 2016 at 9:59 pm

    I saw this little triangle diagram once that had “your sanity” on one point, “a clean house” on another point and “happy kids” on the other point. At the bottom it said “choose two”. haha, it’s so true! I like to keep my front room and kitchen area fairly clean but most of the rest of the house has clothes scattered on the floor, bathrooms that need cleaning and beds that need making. I think it’s important to remember that we can only know what’s going on in our own lives and judging others for how clean/dirty they keep their home is a waste of time and energy.

    • Reply
      Trista
      September 2, 2016 at 10:42 pm

      I’ve never seen that diagram, but I love it! I definitely need to work on keeping my kitchen more picked up… I feel like a clean kitchen tricks me into feeling like my house is clean! ;)

  • Reply
    Dawnene - Beans & Peanuts
    September 2, 2016 at 10:25 pm

    Today I decided not to do anything except play with my girls. When a family member came to the door I explained that’s what I was doing and that’s why my front mat was so dirty….I agree, why do we feel the need to say things like that. Who cares! I enjoyed a day with my girls and that’s all that matters! Great post

    • Reply
      Trista
      September 2, 2016 at 10:42 pm

      Yes!! I love this. It’s so funny when you really stop to think about… you notice so much more than your friend does. So we’re really only pointing out the things that they’re probably overlooking anyways!

  • Reply
    britt
    September 4, 2016 at 7:10 pm

    Great post!!! I feel the same exact way!

    • Reply
      Trista
      September 7, 2016 at 5:43 pm

      Thanks, Britt!

  • Reply
    Krista Nile
    September 7, 2016 at 7:04 pm

    Amen to this! I needed this reminder today!

    • Reply
      Trista
      September 8, 2016 at 10:06 pm

      Perfect! ?

  • Reply
    Samantha Kuzyk
    September 7, 2016 at 7:38 pm

    I totally agree with you! Cleaning is totally at the bottom of my priorities list! I would much rather spend time with family and friends, relax with coffee and netflix, and workout, which helps me destress and its the only time I have to myself!

    • Reply
      Trista
      September 8, 2016 at 10:07 pm

      Yay! I am happy to hear it! ?

  • Reply
    Heather
    September 7, 2016 at 9:14 pm

    This is where I am in my life right now. Thanks for making me not feel so alone ☺️

    • Reply
      Trista
      September 7, 2016 at 9:23 pm

      Happy to help in any way I can. ;)

  • Reply
    Devika
    September 8, 2016 at 1:39 am

    Loved your blog and your writing style !

    • Reply
      Trista
      September 8, 2016 at 9:59 pm

      Thanks, Devika!

  • Reply
    Andrea Bai
    September 9, 2016 at 2:40 pm

    I totally agree! There are only so many hours in the day.

    Glam Hungry Mom

  • Reply
    Rachel Krone
    December 1, 2016 at 8:11 pm

    This is exactly what i Needed Today! Thanks for sharing!

    • Reply
      Trista
      December 29, 2016 at 9:19 am

      I’m glad you liked it, Rachel! :)

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