• #ad Anyone else have kiddos obsessed with music? I am so impressed with how well Ben is playing his @babyeinstein Magic Touch Piano! The sheets of music are color-coded, so he matches the notes on the cards to the keys on the piano and it is so cute! I never played an instrument, but Jason played in the marching band through college and both of our kids love playing with instruments. I can’t wait to see if they decide to pursue an instrument as they get older! You can find this cute little piano at our favorite place, @target. #ignitecuriosity #babyeinstein #benjaminp
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  • I can’t believe I’m officially in my third trimester for the (99.9% sure 😬) last time. It’s such a bittersweet feeling... getting so close to meeting the final member of our family, but to know I’ll never get to experience the joy of seeing the tiny heartbeat in the first ultrasound or feeling the sweet kicks (and punches and dolphin flips). Ice cream, sno cones and the AC are my best friends right now. It’s also crazy to me that I still have another season to go before we welcome this sweet baby at the end of Sept or early October! #photobyblaire •
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  • #ad When your mom spends too much time in @target so you just jam out while you’re waiting. I usually make them put back whatever toy they’ve latched onto in the store, but this @babyeinstein Magic Touch Piano is so cute! It doesn’t have any keys or buttons – they actually press the wood and it makes noise. Ben keeps saying “Please open mama?!” so I can’t wait to get it home and let him jam out there, you know, with the sound on the lowest setting. 😂😂 #ignitecuriosity #babyeinstein
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  • My favorite traditions at 28 weeks: sno cones + this stretchy dress. #photobyblaire •
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  • Happy Prime Day!! I’m so excited to be shopping all the deals today, how about you?? #ad Lucky for us, my fave @kindsnacks are on sale! You can stock up just in time for the craziness of back to school. This Caramel Almond and Sea Salt bar is sweet and salty with just 5g of sugar! It’s keeping me going while I shop all day. 😉 #kindcollective #bekindtoyourself #primeday #amazonprimeday
  • Blaire cleaned her room and made her bed today. I think it’s so cute when she makes her bed and carefully arranges her animals! She usually cleans her room once a week, Sunday is the perfect day to start fresh. The majority of her toys are in there, she gets them all set up how she wants and I just feel bad making her put them away! Do your kids pick up their toys every night? #happilytristahome
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  • Well we don’t have a Nordstrom near us, but we do have an Aldi. Most of their summer items are on clearance and we scored this sweet pool for $7. Winner, winner. 🦄☀️ #blaireandben
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  • messy house, no makeup, and a kid who doesn’t want to wake up from his late car nap... meaning bedtime will be difficult. But what’s so different about that?! 🤪☹️ When your kids come out of your bed for the 1937 time tonight, just know you’re not alone. #happilytristahome
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  • If you need me I’ll be here taking a nap. JK. I’ll be in the car, curled up with my maternity pillow eating milk duds... hopefully taking a nap at some point. And I already changed into a comfy tee and some shorts that won’t button for the 6 hour drive. 🤣🤣🤣 How’s your Monday going?
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  • this. kid. He just melts me with how freaking adorable he is. Then he will go and say something like “Mama I want my binky NOWWWW” and then I remember he’s just as crazy as he is cute. 😍😝 #benjaminp
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June 7, 2015

My Battle with Anxiety as a Mom

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mom anxiety

That’s right! I’m talking about a giant/enormous/consuming/crazy emotion I call Mom Anxiety. I never considered myself a worrier before becoming a mom. Did bad things happen in the world? Yes. Could something bad happen to me? Or to someone I love? Yes. Did it keep me up every night? Nope. Did I obsess over it every. single. day? Not really. 

But it’s crazy, because the more I’ve learned about anxiety, the more I’ve realized that I’ve never lived a “normal” life. While my anxiety never kept me up at night, it did keep me from leaving the house. It kept me from large groups and public places. It kept me from leaving my apartment after dark. I’ve never been carefree. From as early as I could remember, I’ve had unrealistic worry about everyday things. I always just thought that was part of my personality. I was afraid of the dark. I was afraid of what could happen in a large group of people. I was afraid of my house catching on fire. But I never realized that I obsessed over these things. Until I became a mom.

From the day I found out I was pregnant, my anxiety has tripled. I found out on a Sunday, Father’s Day, and that night I had to drive out of town for work. During that four hour drive, it hit me for the first time. I was now completely responsible for another life. Someone was depending on me in a way I had never experienced before. Throughout pregnancy, even the most healthy pregnancy, there are so many things to worry about. Is your baby healthy?Is he/she moving enough?Is he/she the right size? #anixiety

Once Blaire was born, the worry shifted to whether or not she was breathing. Is she sleeping enough?, Is she sleeping too much?, Is she sleeping in a position that’s going to make her head flat? So. many. worries. And as your child becomes mobile? More and more to worry about. Blaire didn’t sleep in her own room until she was 10 months old. And it had nothing to do with what she wanted… I just felt she was safer in our room. Hell, I still feel like she’s safer in our room. When she’s asleep in her own bed, I can’t shut my brain off… What if she stops breathing?, What if someone breaks in?, What if there is a fire?, What if she gets sick? Are you sensing a pattern? My life is a flurry of what-ifs and worst-case scenarios. 

At any given moment I am worried about the million different things that could happen to Blaire, Jason or our family and friends. Then there are the tragic stories all around. On the news, online, something that’s happened to a friend of a friend. These are stories I cannot forget. These are stories I obsessed over for days, weeks, or even months. I feel for these parents I’ve never met. Parents I will never meet. It’s scary and it’s stressful. And it breaks my heart. It keeps me up at night. I pray to not know that hurt, that anger, that stress of going through a horrible tragedy.

At first I blamed it on Facebook. It seemed like it was one of my biggest channels for stress and anxiety. Every time I checked my newsfeed there was something terrible or negative to read about. Whether it’s a sick baby, or a mother who was tragically killed… there’s truly no end to the negative, scary scenarios out there. To combat the anxiety I had every time I checked my newsfeed, I ended up unliking a lot of news outlets (and even Cosmo magazine!), to help cut down on the amount of tragedies I see on my newsfeed. But it’s truly something I can’t get away from. I’ve found I can make myself anxious over things that I dream up in my own head, just as much as I can about real-life stories from the news.

The positive of this whole situation is it reminds me to cherish every single moment with Blaire (and everyone else I love, for that matter). For the longest time, I’ve thought I was crazy. But now I know I’m not the only one. Anxiety effects 18% of the population, but it’s always been taboo for people to talk about. Well thank God that has changed, because being aware of my issues has definitely helped me learn how to control them.

Does being a mom make you an anxious, nervous mess? If so, how do you deal with it? 

And, because I always like to end on a positive note, here’s the girl who makes being a crazy, anxious mama so, so worth it. xoIMG_4819

Updated March 2016 and again July 2016.

My Battle with Anxiety as a Mom

  • Reply
    christina rambo
    March 18, 2016 at 1:57 pm

    You are not alone! I actually blog about my anxiety. The best resource for me have been books by Dr. Claire weekes. Seriously so helpful!

    • Reply
      Trista
      March 22, 2016 at 10:15 pm

      Hi Christina! What’s your blog? I’d LOVE to check it out. And I’ll have to check out her books, too! Thank you!

  • Reply
    Denise Renae
    March 18, 2016 at 2:08 pm

    Hey Trista! I found you on the Blog & Business FB Group. I can completely understand you in this! This is definitely something all us first time moms deal with! I actually just created a post this morning about why it gets easier the more children you have. One of those reasons is because us moms deal with less fear compared to what we dealt with when we had our first. If you’d like, check it out :) http://www.deniserenae.com/get-easier-more-children/

  • Reply
    Sandi Schwartz
    March 19, 2016 at 11:30 am

    Great, honest post. You are definitely not alone. I have always been a worrier and come from a long line of worriers, but my anxiety spiked once I had to deal with infertility and high risk pregnancies. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, and all the social media and news keep information in our face 24/7. I love how you are trying to focus on gratitude amongst all the stress. That’s what we have to do. Enjoy every minute!

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